The Source.

Wow. I’m sorry I’ve neglected this blog for so long. Looking at the date of when I last posted I understand as I started teaching photography internships then throughout the summer pretty non stop. Finally getting time to reflect over the year and see what God has done has given me inspiration to write again! Hopefully there will be more posts in the next couple weeks as well!

Well, this past 6 months or so has been like no other in my life. I had close to 20 interns that came and lived with me for 10 days to learn everything about how to start their company, it was amazing time as I hosted 6 internships throughout the summer. Late nights, early mornings, long deep talks, ect. I definitely get pumped up from all of that..but it is constant pouring out all of who you are...which can be draining sometimes.

After the internships came to a close I started hanging out with a new group of friends! Growing up homeschooled and then starting my business very young I never really had a group of people that I would just hang out with...that was more what I would do with my family.

I got SO excited about this whole new experience that I literally wanted to hang out ALL the time. And we did! Ha! After awhile though and the “honeymoon” phase started dying down. I came to realize that I was completely drained in every area: physically-cause we were staying up SO late all the time; emotionally-cause I wasn’t around anyone that I had known for a long time; spiritually-cause I was putting all the fun times first before God and not making Him a priority at all; and even business wise I kinda checked out cause I was so worn out from the summer.

Finally, I was starting to feel the pressure of all this...and went to God. Duh! Can’t believe we do that once the heat turns out...rather than when everything is fine! It’s completely backwards!
He really ministered to me about first to inspect the walls(boundaries) in my life to see if I had let any get torn down or corrupted. To not open any door to the enemy in my life. Not even a crack. Also, he showed me that if I really want to see His signs and wonders and miracles in my life and others...I can keep hoping and hoping...but if a cord is hoping for power but is laying on the ground not plugged in, no matter how much it hopes for it it won’t get power until it’s PLUGGED IN! Whoa! What a concept! ha! He was showing me that I simply need to stay SO connected to Him and His spirit. To not ignore it. That yeah I can have these fun times and all but to never put him on the back burner through it all otherwise these, fruitful times won’t ever happen. They’ll stay purposeless useless...but fun times.

I was trying to draw strength from myself to be able to impact people. But that can only last so long until you burn out. Staying connected to that outlet(God) constantly...you can keep pouring out and overflowing all the time...and HE gives you the strength to do it! And keeps those walls intact too!! Sooo today....inspect those walls in your life, don’t open the door to the enemy. And STAY PLUGGED IN to THE Source! I love you all!!

Shoes.

Something that has been coming up in a lot of conversations lately and came up again yesterday at church... is faithfulness. Being a good steward.
I think it's something that gets looked over A LOT of the time as we are so focused on just getting things done. I was talking to one of my best friends, Sarah Chellappa, the other day and she is studying world religion. She was sharing with me that in Hinduism they believe that everything they have is from god. So they treat it so well, they don't throw their stuff around but believing that it is from god or is a god they treat it with the utmost care.
I started to think, why don't we do that?? I take soooo much of what God has given me for granted and not been a very faithful steward with my: finances, time, friends, my stuff, etc...
I heard a story years ago from a highly succesful guy names Peter Daniels. Basically when he was little he wasn't given much hope for his future whatsoever, told by his teachers that he would never amount to anything he started believing. Then in his late 20s when he was illeterate he decided that is NOT the way he wanted to live anymore... he taught himself to read and started making just little changes in his life, being faithful with the very little he was given. It was as basic as putting his shoes back in the closet exactly where they belonged. On his way to work about 45 min into the drive he realized that he hadn't put his shoes in the closet and litterally turned around and went back to do it. THAT is how disciplined he had to be with himself being faithful in the small but that discipline and trustworthiness poured over into so many other parts of his life that now he's either a multi millonaire or billionaire in Australia...just from taking those small steps in the beginning.
Whether it is putting your shoes back in your closet, making your bed in the morning, doing what you say you are going to do, or not buying that outfit that you don't realllly need.
I've always wondered why the rich keep getting richer and the poor poorer... it's all about the stewardship, how you value what you've been given? Treating it like treasure rather than squandering it! It's best illustrated here...
"Then another servant came and said, 'Sir, here is your mina; I have kept it laid away in a piece of cloth....."His master replied, 'I will judge you by your own words, you wicked servant! ....Why then didn't you put my money on deposit, so that when I came back, I could have collected it with interest?'
"Then he said to those standing by, 'Take his mina away from him and give it to the one who has ten minas.'
"'Sir,' they said, 'he already has ten!'
"He replied, 'I tell you that to everyone who has, more will be given, but as for the one who has nothing, even what he has will be taken away." Luke 19:20-26

Time to put those shoes back in the closet!!

Me me MEEEEE time!

A couple weeks ago I was walking through the airport I had my ipod blairing into my headphones and a iced tea from starbucks in hand. I was planning on hopping on the plane and getting some serious work done...I had this down to a science. I was feeling sooo cool. Until all of a sudden my ipod just breaks...pretty much sounding like a ticking bomb about to explode. Oops.
All of a sudden I came back to reality and started asking God for ways in where I can truly be humble cause I hated that spirit of pride that can creep up so slowly.
I walked onto the plane to it sooo thankfully being close to empty! YEAH! I could have a whole row to myself! First I had to find my real seat and sit down then I could move to another spot once the doors were closed! As I headed down the aisle I was getting closer and closer to what I feared to be my seat and who I feared to be my seat buddy....
An ollllld old skinny cowboy who smelled like a keg of bear, licked his lips like the joker in Batman and was just pretty much scary!! I sat next to him in the little two seater side of the plane and waited patiently for those doors to close so I could switch seats...when all of a sudden I felt God saying to me..."no you won't! You're going to stay right here and talk to him!" As I had JUST 3 minutes early prayed for just this sort of thing...but of course I thought it was would come in a more glamorous way of course;)
But I had MY agenda! I needed my ME time! This was my last of 3 flights of the day and I was done with any human contact. I just wanted to bury my face in my work and zone everyone out...or just stretch out and sleep! Instead I talked to him the entire hour and a half flight home. At first it was sort of a drudgery...but God started opening my heart to him...and I was able to see him how God did: SOOO loved! By the end of that time I was more refreshed than even a 10 hour nap would supply! I was so energized and excited about what God was going to do in this guys life...I asked him what I could pray for him for and he lit up like a child at a candy store..I don't know if anyone had ever asked him that! He just kept thanking me for asking him that for the rest of the flight!
Sooo here..I could've chosen the ME time and gotten a little work done but probably would've been even more wiped out..but instead pouring into this guys life it beat out any kind of ME time that I could've had!
It is important to get away with God and get refreshed...I do it all the time...but when it is constantly about you...you are actually draining yourself!! It litterally depletes you! Which is sort of crazy but it's true!
Look for people and opportunities to have a little reverse ME time with!! It will refresh you...but even more THEM! Just being available with no agenda..just to listen, serve, speak and pray! Being able to set everything aside that YOU want to accomplish and just being there for them for their ME time! Try it today! You will be blown away! :)
Matt. 20:28- Just as the Son of Man came not to be waited on but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many[the price paid to set them free].

I have TOO many friends!

So my sister Natalie and I were talking the other night about friends...we both somehow seemed to have been blessed with a TON of them...
Growing up I had a solid core group of friends from church that were my best friends...we rarely fought as it was just us...we sort of had cliques but they were pretty inclusive.
Once I was 14 everything changed...We moved to a new church and with it came a new set of friends, then onto my photography business, interns, an even newer church, clients, photographers, moving to Nashville, and finally my church down here! Which now means I have friends all over the globe and hundreds of them! It is REALLY hard to keep track of everyone and to stay in touch AND to make them all feel loved because I truly do want all of that. Thank God Facebook makes that a lot easier!
Something I realized though is that the more friends you have the less the quality of time and emotion you can devote to your core group! It gets spread thin to everyone else!! Don't get me wrong...being able to help alot of people with who God's created you to be is the best...but I'm specifically talking about those you pour your heart out to...
With my sister it was getting harder and harder cause as her friend list grew each one felt like it was supposed to be almost a best friend! And no matter how hard you try you can not have 55 best friends! One of the best piece of advise that I was given a while ago was to sit down for a couple hours and write down your friend list...allll the people in your life that you would consider a friend...and pray over it...see which ones you are really supposed to pursue right now, which ones were seasonal(meaning maybe it was just for a time and now it's time to move on), which ones are best friends, friends, people that you are mentoring or is a ministry opportunity, people who are your mentors and the people that you are on the same level as(iron sharpening iron). Also, if any of those people could be considered acquaintances?? People you've met and will sometimes hang out with and talk to but wouldn't necessarily call on the phone or go out to dinner with. This helps sooo much in knowing where to devote your time!! Realize that you are not put on this earth to be everyone's best friend...but only a few...
Also...if you already are the type with just a few friends do this anyways...it helps so much in evaluating where each friendship is going...if it's uplifting or going nowhere! Also if there are acquaintances that God would like to move to friendship but you just being open!! Take some time to do this!! I KNOW I NEED TOO! :)

I can top that!

Ahhh onto more vulnerability... I'm sure I'm not the only one who deals with this sort of thing..at least I hope not!
The next thing that has really come out in the past couple weeks through seeing this whole "need for validation" thing is trying to PROVE myself. Thinking welllll if they don't know me and WHO I am...then I'll just have to show them!

IT. IS. PRIDE. Yuck....I've discovered it so strongly in my life and who I am, trying to tell allll the amazing things I've accomplished, when someone tells a story trying to top it, telling where I live or who I'm related to. It all goes back to the need for validation and is so incredibly selfish. Sure maybe it inspires people, maybe helps them see more... but all it does for you is keeps inflating that balloon more and more...and balloons WILL pop eventually.
For me the times that I discover that I do it the most are when I don't know what else to talk about, I feel bad about myself, or I want to prove myself.

Ugh... it is so hard. But I have been learning soooo much lately about servanthood and humility... obviously God knows that I need it! Today I opened right up to Micah 6:8 - He has showed you Oh man, what is good and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, and to love kindness and mercy, and to humble yourself and walk humbly with your God.

The VERY best that we can do is to...1. SERVE....anywhere and everywhere we can, not to get glory for what we've done but to truly see a need and accomplish it. It get's us out of ourselves and our own self preservation and a heart after others. 2. Ask questions...get interested in others and BOOST them up! Stand firmly in who YOU are in Christ and then you are able to pull other people up there too!

We usually view talking about how great we are and boosting ourselves up as high and lofty but it's actually one of THE lowest down and out things you could do! Be a present to unwrap! Let people ask about you and then you can share....HUMBLY still but the more interested you are in others the more that it boosts THEM up, you up, and helps that little pride balloon start deflating more and more.
It is something you have to keep a check on daily, watch every word that comes out of your mouth, how many times are you saying "I"??? IIIIIIII say it a lot, I've discovered! Make most of your talk end with a question mark....that is when you will know that you aren't talking about yourself! Here is a video to perfectly sum this up!! I love you alll!

PLEASE tell me I'm great!

Ok...so I'll post about Fear part 2 in a little bit.. but this is really strong on my heart and what God has really been working in me HARD lately! This is a REALLY vulnerable post and some of it actually from my private journal... but I thought it would help you all:)

I'm sitting here today with A LOT on my mind.... moving to a new town and out on my own has caused me to wake up to a lot in my life that I didn't know about! It's hard discovering strong weaknesses in yourself that you wish you could just simply forget about one day and they'd be gone! They are deep rooted, ingrained issues that only God can really help you root out! The first is Validation....
I need it. I crave it. It's what I think about and what affects my mood. I never realized it until recently how strong an impact and pull it has in my life. To know that I am worth something to someone, to know I am good in the world, to know that I am making an impact.

I've starved for it lately as I haven't been receiving it as regularly as I would back at home. I would receive it from everyone I came in contact to practically. "Ohhh! You are Joe Barlow's daughter!! I heard allll about you." "Nooo way.. You are Barlowgirls cousin!! I LOVE them!! I want to be your friend." "Are you SARAH ANNE?? Like the photographer?? I LOVE your work!!"
To be recognized and acknowledged by those that I don't even know but also by those I know and love to constantly be lifting me up and encouraging me was the norm. It's what I've been built on. And yet with that I constantly NEED more. More and more. And more. It is NEVER enough. I may feel validated and wonderful one day and horrible the next. Those are surfacy words that I may always remember but never necessarily believe about myself... only that remembrance of the little high that I got when I received it.

God has been training me so much lately though in how He sees and values me and how it relates to a queen...He has me really in an Esther season right now.... in relation to a queen and validation he showed me that in being Queen.... she can not depend on others validating her. She HAS been validated. She knows her position and stands in it. If people don't agree that is their own fault.

She is the one that validates others from the firm validation she herself has received. She KNOWS who she is. It's not a daily questioning... well AM I a queen? Am I good enough? Am I smart enough or talented enough? NO! Even if she was none of these except queen.. she would STILL be queen and whatever she did would become the norm!

I desire to know that no matter how many friends I have, how popular I am, or how beautiful I am...I am STILL so solidly validated by God Himself... that even if no one ever gave me a compliment again...I would be SO sure in who He has made me to be that I wouldn't waver! I would stand up and be the "queen" He has created me to be.

To fear or not to fear?? Part uno....

Dear Natalie, I haven't written in a LOONG time which I'm bummed about...but life definitely caught up over the summer! The past couple weeks though I've really been seeking about what to write! God is really working on me in SOO many different areas that I feel like every one is half way there! Probably THE most obvious and right in my face one right now though is the area of FEAR! The good, the bad, and the ugly of it! He has been really teaching me about all sides of it! I've really struggled lately in this area...fear of flying, fear of sickness, fear of not having enough, fear of not hearing God's voice correctly, ect...it just keeps popping up in most of the things I've been doing lately that last night it finally came to a peak I am DONE with this!
Two days ago I was praying and God gave me the word FEARLESS for me to meditate on... that I am fearless in everything I do! That I move forward confidently, with boldness and with FAITH! I realized I had let my faith level drop in a lot of areas and not keeping what God has said about my future before me! I let circumstances and petty things distract me!
It says in the bible that God has not given me a spirit of fear but a spirit of POWER, LOVE and a sound mind....so any time anything occurs to us that is opposite of these 3 things it's from the enemy! Also, when we are tempted with fear...and it's just that a temptation...and it also says in the bible that where there is a temptation there is ALWAYS a way out!...but when we are tempted with that spirit of fear we receive 3 others to combat it that are far more powerful that fear could ever defeat; power, love and a sound mind!!! Know that YOU have a call and destiny on your life! Take a promise that God has given you and STAND ON IT...even if there is no other possible hope around you keep standing on that at least! Walk confidently in God's plan for you! Pray Psalm 91 over yourself if that fear is creeping up...pray angels surrounding you and plead Jesus' blood over you! You know when the Israelites back in Egypt were commanded to put that lambs blood over their doorposts so there first borns could live...it was because the angel of death was coming through the camp and if it saw blood over the doorpost it meant death had already happened there so it could just move on. Well we have it even better now! Jesus died so WE can plead HIS blood over ourselves and it's telling the enemy...uh uh...you can't touch me! Death has ALREADY happened here!!! That is our PROMISE!! Stand on it and don't let the enemy tell you any different!! You are FEARLESS!!!!!
Love you!